ABUSIVE LOVE

46184702 – silhouette showing domestic violence

Most abusers in relationships usually blame their violent nature on their victims to exonerate themselves. Phrases like “you made me do this to you” or “I did it because I love you too much” have been heard of one too many times. And sadly, like clockwork, the victims have been battered psychologically, emotionally and physically to a point that they believe these weak excuses to be true. That’s probably why victims of domestic abuse keep going back to their abusers; usually the abusers start by stripping their victims of all sense of confidence or self esteem, and get them into believing that they (the abusers) are the only ones who love their victims. As a result the victims constantly seek validation from their abusers, and the sickening cycle continues, sometimes to the victims’ graves.

Victims of domestic violence are never the cause of it; at no point does a woman drive a violent man to killing her and blaming it on her. That’s just wrong, on so many levels. What could possibly anger you to a point of murder? Why would you blame such a heinous act on the victim? Have you lost your mind? That woman you beat to her grave, that woman from whom you took everything did nothing wrong but love and trust you. As an abuser you MUST face the consequences of your actions and own up to them. She bears the scars and bruises inflicted by your fists and feet. What’s worse is our society and the authorities would rather tell a domestic violence victim to “behave herself” instead of getting them into protective custody with the right support to work through their trauma and arresting the abusers. It’s often too late when the victim is dead and the collective societal ire is ripe for the picking. We should be ashamed of ourselves as a society.

Charity begins at home. Violence has never been a solution or an answer to anything. Beating your partner up, stripping her of her confidence, self esteem and sense of self doesn’t make you a macho man. As a matter of fact, men who beat their partners up can not hold their own once interrogated or in a fight amongst their peers. Their need to assert their masculinity and sense of strength on seemingly weaker people, women, is an indication of deep seated issues. Taking a woman’s love and affection and turning it into bruises, bloodied faces and broken bones is a betrayal of trust like no other. We must raise our children to be better. We must instill in our sons the emotional intelligence to work through their issues using words and not fists. Don’t wait for it to be your daughter / sister / cousin / best friend to act, act now and act quickly. It’s heartbreaking to hear such stories in the news every single day.