CONSENT

Do you know what consent is? Wikipedia defines it as permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. In matters sex and love, it simply means don’t assume your partner is automatically up to doing something with you simply because of their station in your life. By this, I am referring especially to sex. There is such a thing as spouse or partner rape, and it’s real. It’s effects are sometimes worse than those of being raped by a stranger, especially to the victim.

If you’re rolling your eyes at this point, calm down and hear me out. Have you ever been in a situation where you were forced to do something you didn’t want to at the time? Take a minute. Think about it. How did that make you feel? Now, if you’re a woman, imagine if that something was sex and your boyfriend / husband forced you to have it when you really didn’t want to. You probably said no, but he played the boyfriend / husband card and had forced himself on you anyway. This is someone you trust, someone you chose to be with, and they betray your trust to this level and demean your body to a mere vessel for them to empty their lust in. He violated your trust, your body and ignored your wishes. Would you ever feel the same way about it?

If you’re a guy and happen to possess a conscience which you listen to, picture putting the woman you claim to love through such trauma. Do you honestly think she would be okay with it? Would she ever feel the same about you after this? In that single moment of breaking her defenses and taking her body against her will, you transform from knight to monster in her mind. No amount of apology will make that transformation go away. You’ll have effectively broken her, and she will want nothing more to do with you until she works through her trauma. That’s not a good place to be; not for you or for her.

Consent, especially sexually, applies to every relationship. Just because one relationship is under the umbrella of titles like boyfriend & girlfriend or husband & wife doesn’t mean seeking consent is left out of the door. It isn’t. Seeking consent is a continuous action, an constant point of communication and a way to make sure your partner always feels safe with you. It’s not enough to expect your partner to submit to your sexual desires all the time, you need to be certain that they are interested as interested in it as you are. The culture we have of believing spouse / partner rape isn’t real and is a tool to get back at men by “scorned” women needs to be flung far into the past. Women own their own bodies and must therefore be listened to when they make decisions regarding their bodies. Always seek consent. Always.