REAL vs. EXPECTATIONS

Once upon a time, I was married. Two years and three months later, I left that marriage. I can chalk it down to the reality of it as opposed to the expectations set by our public declaration of love in the form of a wedding and grand 500 guest reception. During said reception, I remember my best friend (who was my maid of honor) and I were walk-dancing after serving cake to my in-laws. One of the in-laws from the village came up to me and said,

“You’re now married. You shouldn’t be dancing like this.”

Excuse me?! The nerve on that woman! And that, dear readers, is the nerve on society as a collective; the boxes you’re supposed to fit in as a married woman / man. Ironically, the boxes are a lot tighter for women than men, which is unfair by every count. The expectations leveled on a married woman are extremely unrealistic; I’ll cite one example. A wife is expected to forgive her cheating husband (cheating is also another one) and hold her marriage down “for the children” or “to save face”. But a woman is likely to be beaten or killed by her husband if she ever cheated on him. Double standards much?

We forget that we are humans, and we are flawed. Expecting someone to change their entire disposition as a result of marriage is stupid and unrealistic. Marriages work because partners allow each other to be themselves before anything else. Need I remind you, you are an individual before you are a wife / husband. Once we learn to acknowledge and respect that, then maybe marriages especially in our generation won’t have to be horror stories. We won’t have to have people only talk about failed marriages; we’ll hopefully have more great content in relation to exemplary ones. Face the reality and shun the expectations.