WHO USED WHO?

At the start of every relationship intended to culminate in sex, everything is peachy. Bae this, baby that, boo the other, and so on and so forth. If it’s on public domains, it’s starts off as cute then it devolves into something nauseating because we all know nothing is ever as picture perfect as it seems, especially with Instagram and Snapchat filters. Fast forward to immediately after the breakup; sometimes the allegation that one person was used by the other rears it’s ugly head. Who used who, exactly? And how? Let’s analyze this allegation.

For the guys, when they’re really into a girl, they go all out for her. Spend money on her, show her off, shower her with affection and go the entire Steve Harvey way of professing, proclaiming and providing. After all, he’s getting the cookie from her, right? The girls get all that and a couple of orgasms to boot and life is fantastic. Whatever causes the breakup happens and voilà; he used me / she used me. How? When you, as the guy, were spending money on her, didn’t you want to? Did you feel forced into spending? If yes, why didn’t you speak up and put a stop to it? When you as the girl were collecting multiple orgasms courtesy of him, didn’t you consent to it? Didn’t you enjoy it? So how exactly did he use your body with your consent?

Sometimes breakups can be ugly, mostly in the heat of the moment. Emotions run high, people feel betrayed and trust is inevitably broken so they lash out the best way they know how. Thing is, things said during nasty breakups are quite damaging to the individuals. Calling someone a gold digger / whore because they no longer want you is demeaning and escapist from addressing the real issue. Same applies to calling a man a dog or inadequate as a result of anger. The collective chorus of being used is an even flimsier escape route because unless there was categorically no consent, no one can claim to have been used. Mistakes were made. Own up. Address the issue like adults and move on with your lives, amicably. Let peace prevail.